Drummer Tommy Lee initially shared this open letter to President Trump five years ago in 2020, but according to Snopes.com and other sources it was initially written by comedian and Daily Kos contributor Aldous J. Pennyfarthing (I doubt that’s his real name too). Tommy Lee saw it and then posted the letter to social media with his own linguistic flourishes and, with the current national dilemma and Constitutional crisis, has repurposed and reposted it again for 2025. I took the liberty of excising some of the toughest language from it and basically created a Pat Boone version of the letter so it won’t raise any alarms if you share it. But beware — this is not for everyone.
Dear F___ing Lunatic,
At your recent press conference — more a word salad that had a stroke and fell down a flight of stairs, you were clearly so out of your depth you needed scuba gear. Within minutes of going off air your minions were backpedaling faster than Cirque De Soliel acrobats.
Do you know how insane you sound? You’re like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me,” only 10,000 times crazier and less self aware.
You are exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own a_____s with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream!
We are tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse.
You once called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the does that help?
You once accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said that.
You recently attempted — with evident glee — to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance.
You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing exactly the opposite.
You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended literal Nazis.
Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four.
Enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable — or even marginally civil — to say?
You are a fried d___ sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him Health and Human Services secretary. You are a disgraceful, petulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas, unintelligible non-sequiturs, and malignant rage.
You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.
So f___ you Mr. President. And f___ you forever.
Oh, and Vance, you oleaginous house ferret. F___ you too, you Bible-thumping c___ socket loser.
